Archive | February, 2013

DREAM CRUISE

13 Feb

A very bad dream. It’s hard to feel sorry for these people since they seem to be glutton’s for punishment wasting thousands of dollars to float around on these giant “orgy” tubs.


Here’s what these folks got for their money.


Being stuck at sea is the least of the problems for the 3,143 passengers stranded on the Carnival cruise ship drifting off the Gulf of Mexico. An engine fire Sunday left the Carnival Triumphwithout propulsion, leaving it adrift about 150 miles from the Yucatan coast. Currently there are reports of a shortage of running water, scarce electricity, and a depleting food supply. One passenger reported “sewage running down the walls and floors” and said travelers were being asked to defecate in bags and urinate in showers because toilets weren’t functioning. Food lines exceeded three and a half hours long, and many passengers are sleeping outside to stay cool. Vacation of a lifetime.

 

Busted toilets, hot rooms, headaches after fire strands cruise ship in Gulf

TERRORIST IN THE ROOM!

12 Feb

Nugent in the past has threatened to kill President Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and California Senators Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer.

 

 

 

Meet the Texas GOPer Who’s Bringing Ted Nugent to Obama’s SOTU

DIARRHEA!

12 Feb

 DIARRHEA!
Johann Wagener 2-12-13

It’s the most often used word on the NBC Evening News with Brian Williams.  It’s used constantly on a daily basis! I know more about diarrhea  than I would ever want or need to know. It’s usually from some unseen person rattling off a long list of side effects from one of the hundreds, if not thousands, of drug commercials I see on this news show. Once in a while there’s someone who shows up in the aisle of a jumbo jet or bus quizzing the passengers about diarrhea.  It makes me sick. Almost to the point of, you guessed it, having diarrhea ! 

TV networks’ drug ad dependency. Who’s the stooge?

ASK YOUR DOCTOR?

11 Feb

ASK YOUR DOCTOR?

Johann Wagener 2-10-13

 

 

I’m not sure that’s always a good idea.

 

 

can’t see the video? click here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-y_N4u0uRQ

 

When I was 15 I was easily taken in and took a doctors advice when this popped up on the TV screen;

 

 Thanks to that doctors advice, 50 years later I was told by another doctor that I suffered from COPD which I understood to be a blend of asthma, bronchitis, and emphysema which I a good chance of adding cancer to the mix down the road.

 

 

Even though I became somewhat suspicious of what doctors had to say it didn’t completely deter me. So when, in my “greying” years, I saw a commercial suggesting I “ask my doctor” about the latest plague to hit the 50 plus crowd, “ED” I didn’t hesitate. 

 

At 51 I thought I knew all I needed to know about the “intimate” moment; you know, when the “time is right” (wink, nod-wink, nod). I had the vernacular down pat. I even understood the new buzz words.

 

Unfortunately Father Time and Mother Nature had something else in mind. Those intimate moments began to be fewer and further apart.  I was fortunate in that I could still vividly recall when every time was the “right time.” You know, to experience that “intimate moment” when the flames of passion burned incessantly with little or no effort on my part. Back then all it took was me, someone who had a mutual interest, the back seat of my 57 Ford, and a parking spot in the back row of the local Drive-In  theater. The combination of these elements created “magical moments.”

 

Over the years the flames of passion cooled down to a flicker, and the Drive-In theaters faded into obscurity.  Even though I missed those times I reluctantly came to accept whatever plans Father Time and Mother Nature had in store for me. 

 

That is, until  Big Pharma came to the rescue with promises that a “little blue pill” they conjured up would defeat Father Time and Mother Nature by fooling them (and me) and magically restore what they had taken away. 

 

I refer to these days as “The ED Wars.” Thanks to the miracles of science it looked like Father Time and Mother Nature had met their match.   Aging and diminished libido were soon to become a thing of the past.   “Better living through chemistry” became the battle cry of Big Pharma and Madison Avenue.

 

 

The first shot was fired with ads like this;

 

 

can’t see the video? click here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I4xBCq_cpw

 

 

Not long after, a battle started when a worthy rival launched it’s campaign with ads like this;

 

 

can’t see the video? click here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdLvESf3jCo

 

 

 

The war has been raging ever since. Both the “blue” and “yellow” pills promise “4 hour marathons” but warn that anything over that warrants a 911 call (so put it on speed dial). How they arrived at the “4 hour” ceiling is a mystery to me. My guess is that they just threw that in as a “buzz” word that sends those “mature” (I use the term loosely) males racing to their doctors office. Up to 4 hours; really? The 50 plus crowd would be lucky to be able to go for 4 minutes without risking cardiac arrest or something worse. Those 4 hour marathons were also taking their toll on partners unless they were a “lady of the night” or a porn star.

 

 

Then, along comes another “breaking news” announcement on network news. The folks at Poise have made a new discovery that will send your partner racing to the pharmacy.

 

 

can’t see the video? click here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GpaS3r27Ag

 

 

 

The one word in all these ads that got my attention was “dysfunction.” This implies there’s something wrong.  But this time I didn’t take the bait. I realized, for example,  that being in a state of self-induced arousal for 4 hours plus was a far worse dysfunction than the one I’m trying to fix. I also realized that if I combined  ED with BHP and COPD; chances were that a little blue or yellow pill would not do the trick.  And, even though my partner could now hang in without groaning in pain (not pleasure) ; and being the realist that I am I reluctantly accepted that, in the big picture, Father Time and Mother Nature were calling the shots. 

 

I also swallowed the “bitter pill” and accepted that, even though Big Pharma could play me for a fool at times, that no matter how much they tried, this old saying still held true; “you can’t fool Mother Nature (or Father Time, for that matter). 

WINNING HEARTS & MINDS

10 Feb

 

WINNING HEARTS AND MINDS
Johann Wagener 2-10-13

 

Ever wonder why the whole “winning hearts and minds” thing doesn’t work well? First off it might be because we’re killing the people we want to win over.

 

 

But, even worse than that is that we can’t even just let the dead RIP.  We have to add insult to the misery by urinating on their corpses. We are literally turning grave sites into latrines.

 

 

read more; Two more Marines charged over corpse urination YouTube video 

 

I know, I know, it’s one of those “isolated incidents.” Sure but, in time, these isolated incidents add up to one big major problem that wins over “hatred and vengeance.” 

 

So, What next? Are we going to start defecating on the enemy? Oh! I forgot, that’s already being used for something else. 

 

read more;  http://wonkette.com/410864/contractors-guarding-us-embassy-in-kabul-love-to-drink-vodka-out-of-each-others-anuses

FRESH & SEXY – VIBRATIONS

10 Feb

FRESH & SEXY – VIBRATIONS
Johann Wagener 2-10-13

 

One of my pastimes is clipping coupons out of the Sunday morning newspaper stuffers. I really get a kick out of squeezing every penny I can out of a buck before I spend it.

 

This morning was a little different. As I was clipping a coupon for my favorite hot dogs (buy 1 – get one free) another coupon that I’d not seen before caught my attention.

 

A $1.00 OFF coupon for;

 

New Fresh & Sexy, by Playtex.

Before + After. Clean where it counts.

Just because you are busy doesn’t mean you can’t get busy. By making cleanup easier, fresh + sexy™ wipes.

Fresh + Sexy™ wipes are intimate wipes for men and women specifically designed for use before and after sexual activity – so you can feel confidently clean and ready for whatever comes next.  

With Fresh + Sexy™ wipes, you get clean quickly and easily so you can get back to who or whatever it is you’re doing.

The special hypoallergenic formula and soft cloth gently cleanse and leave you feeling clean and refreshed, no matter what the occasion.

 

more; http://freshandsexy.com/

 

And then another $1.00 OFF coupon for;

 

TROJAN® Tri-Phoria® Intimate Massager

Experience intense pleasure your way with our quiet, 3-in-1 vibrating intimate massager with three interchangeable textured tips.

  • 8 settings – 5 speeds and 3 pulse patterns
  • 3 high-quality, interchangeable tips for multiple sensations:•
  • 1 soft silicone domed tip •
  • 1 soft silicone flickering tip •
  • 1 hard stimulator tip Waterproof, durable and easy to clean
  • 1AA battery
  • Elegant satin pouch for discreet storage
  • There’s so much the Vibrating TriPhoria® can do…and that gives you a multitude of options!
  • The three tips imitate your favorite sensations – firm pressure, tongue-like flickering and gentle focused stimulation.
  • Vibrating TriPhoria boasts eight settings – five speeds and three pulse patterns.
  • This unparalleled combination provides seemingly endless options for your senses. Change it up or find a favorite you can rely on. 

 

more; TROJAN® Brand Condoms

 

 

 

At first I thought the newspaper delivery guy accidently stuffed a porn magazine in my paper. But, unfortunately, it was just the same old coupon stuffer with just a little more added to spice it up a bit.

 

Oh! To be young again. 

 

AND ON THE 6TH DAY GOD CREATED…………………

9 Feb

If this discovery stays afloat it will drive evangelicals into a frenzy. Imagine that cute little fury creature as being made in His image. 


Say hello to your greatest grandparent. Cute, furry, long-tailed and with a penchant for insects – it sounds like something we would keep as a pet rather than be related to. But it seems that such a creature was the last shared ancestor of placental mammals – a group including all living mammals apart from marsupials and those that lay eggs.

 

Hypothetical ancestor still has teeth <i>(Image courtesy of Carl Buell)</i>

 

 

Meet our earliest common mammalian ancestor – life – 07 February 2013 – New Scientist